Cloth bra pads...the review

I got a free sample of cloth bra pads.  Honestly I cannot remember the brand name, but they're white...and awesome.  I am now washing them and had to switch to disposables temporarily because I ran out.  The cloth are so much better.  They're more comfortable, they do a better job of absorbing the milk, and they're reusable.  I was half afraid when I first looked at them because I was afraid I'd get milk on my bra.  There is no plastic between the cloth and the bra.  However as long as I'm on top of things and change them as soon as I need to I'm okay.  I can even wear them over night without fear of leaking onto my shirt.  I could just use more than 4 pairs of the darn things.

If you get a chance to buy cloth bra pads do it.  They'll save you money and they're better at keeping the moisture away.  Keeping the moisture away leads to happier nipples and happier nipples lead to a happier you.  Though I'd be even happier if they were pretty, but I'm a girl like that.

Here are some places you can get them.

The Green Baby Store
Kelly's Closet
Jillian's Drawers

If you know of any other sources feel free to leave a link in the comments.

Making a change

As some of you may know I plan to go cloth with my children.  For those of you not in the know of what that means it means I'm ditching my disposable diapers for cloth diapers.  It's cheaper in the long run, it's better for the environment, and they're cute as all hell.

I spent years considering this.  I spent years talking to everyone I know about what I'm getting myself into.  I hate using disposable diapers.  It gives my children rashes and it's horrible for the environment.  I like the planet I live on and would like to do right by it.

However I'm completely afraid I'm going to screw this up.  Standing on the outside looking in it seems complicated and confusing.  There are rules about how you're supposed to wash them.  I'm sure some of this is fanatics making it seem more than it is, but to us on the outside it's overwhelming.  I want to do this, but it's like thinking you have to jump in ice water.  You stand there as long as you possibly can because it's going to be a shock and you know you're going to be overwhelmed.  I'm sure at first I'm going to screw up at least a little...I think.  Either that or it will come naturally to me.  I don't know.  I just needed a push.  I'm sure I'll thank the people who pushed me for it later.  Even the jack asses that got the economy to the point where the reason I'm finally really doing this is so I can stop buying disposables and start using that money toward things like food and clothing.

I just had to write this out because I feel like I'm going crazy.  I feel like I'm going to disappoint myself and I feel very anxious about the whole situation.  I feel like any time I ask questions I'm being stupid.  I know I'm being hard on myself, but you can't help how you feel.  As soon as I get my stash I'll start posting about the different diapers I got and how things are going with them.  I'm going to start with Lily because she needs less diapers than Ella does.  Soooo, wish me luck?

Losing loved ones

This was my Grandma Pigg.  She has been dead for 11 years now.  I miss her like she died yesterday.

I had never really lost anyone until my Grandma died and no death since has hurt me as deeply.  She was the kind of person you wanted to be related to.  She didn't let you feel like a stranger.  She loved everyone and gave hugs instead of handshakes.  She cooked from scratch and kept a garden until she was too sick to do that.  Yes, everything she made was better.  She spoiled me without actually spoiling me because she didn't want me to be a brat.  She loved me for who I was and not for what she thought she could get out of me or what she thought I might become.  She would tease me about not having a boyfriend because a beautiful girl like me should have a boyfriend.  When I lost her I lost the biggest positive influence in my life and every day she's gone is painful.  It doesn't hurt as much, but it still hurts a lot.  I sometimes wonder if it will ever stop hurting.  I can still cry when I think about her because I wish my children could have known her.  I cry because the longer she's gone the harder it is to remember her.  She was the best person I ever knew.  I wish you could have met her, you would have liked her.

The decision to stop having children...

Deciding to stop having children is as complicated and difficult a decision as having children in the first place.  As much as I'm sure I no longer want children part of me is mourning the loss of my ability to have children.  Even though I know for the sanity of myself and my children that I really shouldn't have more children I'm sad that I'll never hold another baby that came from me.  As much as I hate being pregnant there is something magical about babies.  They're little possibilities and I love watching them learn things.

Either way as of tomorrow Ella will be the last baby I ever have.  No, I don't plan to adopt.  Not that I have anything against adopting.  I'm just done.  I'm done with babies and I have the amount of children I want.  Adopted children should go to people that really do want more children.

Right now I almost want to back out, but I know that this is the right decision for me.  Just like I knew that staying pregnant was the right decision for me.  I have to say that in a way I'm glad I backed out the first time.  I couldn't imagine my life without Ella, but I really can't afford more children.  So, I don't know what else to say about this other than I know I'll cry, but I also know I'm doing this for all the right reasons.

Things my parents said...and some they shouldn't have

I find the longer I parent the more I say certain things my parents used to tell me as a child.  They drove me up the wall, but I swear it just comes out.  Apparently I was listening.

"Look with your eyes, not with your hands."
"I'm not telling you this to hear myself talk"
"I'm running away and I'm changing my name"
"Prior planning prevents piss poor performance"

I'm sure there are more things.  There are also things I refuse to say to my children that my parents said to me because it's just not something you say to a child.

"You're so dumb when god was handing out brains you thought he said trains and told him you didn't want any"
"You must secretly dye your hair brown over night."
"Don't make me give you a reason to cry."

Awesome.

I just hope I stick to the list above and never dwell to the list of soul crushing comments below.  Parenting is about learning from our parent's mistakes right?

Day 11 - turning point in your life

The turning point in my life was becoming a mother.  I have become a calmer person since having my children.  Which is saying a lot because I was even more of a fly off the handle kind of person when I was younger.  Now I'm only really impatient when it's that time of the month or I'm pregnant.

Day 10 - favorite candy

I love mint.  I love mint flavored candies.  I love almost all mint flavored candies.  Pair it with dark chocolate and it's even better, but honestly the part I love the most is the mint.