The decision to stop having children...

Deciding to stop having children is as complicated and difficult a decision as having children in the first place.  As much as I'm sure I no longer want children part of me is mourning the loss of my ability to have children.  Even though I know for the sanity of myself and my children that I really shouldn't have more children I'm sad that I'll never hold another baby that came from me.  As much as I hate being pregnant there is something magical about babies.  They're little possibilities and I love watching them learn things.

Either way as of tomorrow Ella will be the last baby I ever have.  No, I don't plan to adopt.  Not that I have anything against adopting.  I'm just done.  I'm done with babies and I have the amount of children I want.  Adopted children should go to people that really do want more children.

Right now I almost want to back out, but I know that this is the right decision for me.  Just like I knew that staying pregnant was the right decision for me.  I have to say that in a way I'm glad I backed out the first time.  I couldn't imagine my life without Ella, but I really can't afford more children.  So, I don't know what else to say about this other than I know I'll cry, but I also know I'm doing this for all the right reasons.