Sanity and my attempt to restore it

With Greg's schedule and my need for quiet time I am attempting something I would never do if it weren't for the fact I'm so desperate for alone time.

I started setting my alarm clock a half an hour earlier.

I desperately need the quiet time to myself.  It's a little too early to say how well it's working though.  Especially since today it took my alarm 18 minutes to wake me up.  Though the fact my daughter is now crying in her crib is probably a sign that I need to give this more time.  I'm hoping after a few weeks of this that I'll be used to waking up a little earlier.  I'm hoping the effect will be a calmer happier mommy.  My children deserve a calmer happier mommy.

What do you do to maintain your sanity?  Do you stay up a little later some nights?  Do you get up a little extra early in the morning?  Do you have a male to help you?  Is it the ride to work that helps?

Things my daughter taught me.

Before I had Lily I didn't want a girl.  I was afraid if I had a girl that she would be highly girly and I wouldn't know how to relate to her.  I mean after all I was rough and tumble.  Don't you need boys to be rough and tumble with?

My cousin Alesha helped me start to realize that was not the case.


However, it was the birth of my daughter that really cemented the case for me.  She's a well rounded individual without limitations.  She likes things because she likes them.  She doesn't stick to "girl" things or "boy" things.  I feel like I learn more from her than she does from me some days.

Cliche?  Yes.  Does that make it any less true? No.  Here are some things I've learned from having a daughter.

• Having a daughter can be awesome.  Actually having a daughter is awesome.
• You can have just as much fun in a dress as you can in jeans.
• Wanting to play the princess doesn't mean wanting to be rescued.  Sometimes playing the princess just means wearing a dress while you rescue the prince.
• It's okay to want to be pretty and being pretty doesn't make you weak.
• Just because you have a girl doesn't mean you won't end up dodging pee.
• People are going to tell you that you shouldn't let your daughter do a laundry list of things.  Most of those things are kind of dumb if you really think about it.
• Just because you have a daughter doesn't mean you can't wrestle with her.
• Her being a girl doesn't mean she's going to be gentle.  My SO has bruises from the fact Lily plays so rough.

Having a daughter has made me realize more about myself and has helped me come to peace with my own femaleness.  I needed her just as much as she needs me.  I'm just glad I was able to realize that.

Only child kind time

Today was Ella's day to be an only child.  I try to have days where each of my children can pretend they're an only child.  The only child that gets my attention.  The one that decides what we eat, where we go, and what we do when we get there.  I have three children and two hands.  I don't always have enough time in the day to give them individual love and attention like I would like to.

So, today was Ella's day.  Greg took the older two out to a corn maze and a hay ride while Ella stayed home with me.  We played on the floor, I sang to her, and we cuddled as long as she wanted to.

I started doing this after I had my first daughter.  Dedrick had a very hard time making the transition from being an only child to being a big brother.  Our special days made the transition a little easier for him.  Even Greg has gotten into the act and will take time to do special trips for just one child.  He took Dedrick on a just him and Grandpa fishing trip recently.  They had a lot of fun and it was really needed because Greg has been working a lot of hours lately.

When Ella gets older I'll be able to do this more often, but until then I'll do what I can.  I just think it's important for me to spend one on one time with my children as often as I can.

Do you make time for special one on one days for your children?

Enough is enough

After an incident at a family birthday party I'm saying enough is enough.  I'm sick of moms trying to make other moms feel guilty about their choices.  I already feel enough guilt on my own, thank you.  Why is it instead of being supportive we feel the need to belittle each other because of our choices?

I can't judge you for your choices because I don't live your life.  It's not my place to make you parent the way I do.  It's not my place to tell you whether you should go to work, stay home with your children, homeschool, or send your kids off to school.  These are all personal choices.  I can't tell you whether to vaccinate, what foods you should feed your children, or what foods you should avoid.  Every life situation is different and I try not to judge.  I try to mind my own business because honestly you never know.

I circumcised my son.  Yes, I did it willingly even.  Did I regret the choice later?  Somewhat.  Did I make that choice without having thought about it first?  No.  I thought about it a lot.  Out of the three relatives that I know of that didn't get circumcised as an infant, all three had to be circumcised later in life.  All of them were closely related to me even.  I didn't want this to be something Dedrick would have to go through later on in life.  I'm also glad that my last two children were girls because it's something I would never want to have to decide ever again.  It's a hard decision and I still feel guilty about it sometimes.  I don't need someone else telling me that I should feel bad about it.  I'm plenty good at doing that for myself.

I wish I could afford Daycare because I think my children could use the social interaction.  I live in a rather rural area and getting to play dates is not easy.  I wish I could live closer to town sometimes, but at the same time I like that I have plenty of land for them to play on.

All I'm saying is being a mother comes with enough guilt as it is.  We don't need to compound that situation by criticizing each other just because the other mom isn't doing what you think is right for your children.