Ella

I used to joke that because my pregnancy and subsequent delivery of my son was so difficult that if he hadn't been my first he would have been my last.

Well, with the delivery of my last baby I have a new tune.  If she had been my first, she would have been my last.

Don't get me wrong.  I love her a lot and she's a great joy in my life.

However she is so much needier than her older siblings were.  I joke that she's in such a hurry to walk because it'll make it easier to chase me into other rooms.  I can't parent her like I did my older two.  I am not a clingy, huggy person, and really like my personal space.  Which according to Ella, my personal space is her personal space.  It's very wearing and when I have two other children to attend to it's even more wearing.

However, I did not make her this way.  Believe it or not babies really do have their own personalities.  They're going to change over the years, but no two baby is the same.  Which is why there are so many parenting techniques out there.  Different babies have different needs.

So, the next person that "corrects" me when I say Ella needs me more is gonna get the brunt of my fury because it's getting old.

*ramblings brought to you by a mother that has spent most her morning listening to a baby scream because she was trying to get chores done and can't do them holding the baby*

Happy Veterans Day

Happy Veterans Day to the Veterans I love.

My dad circa 1989

I don't have one of Greg in uniform, but he got into the military before he even graduated and this was his graduation picture.

Wordless Wedenesday - The wordy edition

Very late post - BebeMellons review

I promised that I'd make this post...a week ago at the least.  I'm sorry.

I recently was able purchased some fitted diapers from Mary-Ellen Clark of BebeMellons.  So, this review is something I'm doing as a favor because it makes me sad that not that many people know about her diapers.  They're really nice and really well made.  She definitely puts a lot of effort into making a good product.

My girls have worn them with and with out covers.  They worked very well both ways.  I would save the coverless wearing for during the day of course, but it's definitely doable if you're worried about things like heat rashes.

I will have to take more pictures tonight, but they do fit both children very well.  Both diapers were highly absorbent even though I started using them before I did the 5 hot washes that she recommends.

I do have one issue with them, but it's not with the diaper itself.  It's with the covers I have.  For overnight you might want to stick with fleece longies or wool longies.  Right now all I have are flip covers and Grovia shells.  They do not do a very good job of covering the whole diaper.  It works well enough to where I can fudge it, but I'd love more coverage.  This is because of all the layers of fabric she uses.  Though the layers of fabric are a plus to me.  I just hadn't gotten around to getting any longies yet.

I think they're definitely worth the money you pay as you can use the doubler on an infant with an infant sized cover.  They're just a good investment as far as I'm concerned.

I will say again that this is my opinion.  I am not being paid to say this.  I wish I could give away one of her diapers because they're just that awesome.  I think everyone should have at least one of her fitted diapers, but it's not in the budget for me to be generous like that right now.  So, please go buy one of her diapers.  Trust me when I say you won't regret it.

Not blogging lately

I've been innactive with my blog lately.  I've been distracted by bigger issues.

Greg and I are in deeper money issues than I've wanted to lead on.  We're having to come up with a lot of money fairly soon or we risk losing the house.  It's not something I wanted to talk about because talking about it meant dealing with it.  It's such a big thing.  I'm looking for a job in hopes to keep this from happening.  I'm also putting off my trip.  I need the house more than I need to go to PA.

So, if I don't post on my blog that's why.  I'm just really worried about other things.

Wordless Wednesday - Yay mail!

Ella's Amber necklace arrived

The fitted diapers from BebeMellons arrived.

Etsy - The Panda Edition

I stole this idea from The Gnome's Mom.


I am looking for ideas on how to redecorate my kitchen and make it more me.  As you may or may not know I have a thing for Pandas.  So, I'm looking to decorate my space in Pandas.

Amanda the Panda Mug made by Art Haus Ceramics.  I'm listing this first because I'm not human until I've had my first cup of coffee.  It's just that important and would be even more pleasant in a cup like this.

I love this picture made by Keep Calm Arsenal.  The simple black and whiteness of pandas is one of the reasons I love them so much.

I could use a few of these sets Panda Bear Magnets made by Crafty Goodies.  They also have a tack board version if you prefer that.

Panda Thumbtacks made by yum yum buttons because I am so forgetful that I need a tack board as well.  It might as well be cute.

Panda Enviro Wraps made by The Straight Stitch for the tree hugger in me.  Just because I want to save the Earth doesn't mean I can't have something cute while I do it.

Salt & pepper shaker set from Come on Haze.  I want a set that's cute enough to where I don't feel the need to hide them away when I'm not using them.

I so very need this spoon rest from fruit fly pie because I am addicted to spoon rests.  I have used dessert plates as a spoon rest when I didn't actually have a real one on hand.  I'm that into them.

This Panda Hoodie by aNGrYGiRL Gear is not a kitchen item, but it's still awesome.  I want it so much.


The only thing I didn't find that I was actually looking for was an apron because I'm a messy baker.  I always get flour on my clothes, but they had a lot of cute Panda prints.  I could always make an apron of my own I guess.

It's still racism

It's still racism if the race you're talking about can't hear you.  It's still racism if you're only joking with your friends.  If you wouldn't say it in front of a person of the race you're referring to then it's not okay to say.  Saying that everyone does it doesn't make it less wrong.  This is when you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

I'll take this even further with the cheesy sayings because I rather like this one.  A river starts out as a small stream.  A movement starts out small like a stream and grows as person by person they realize that the way we did it was wrong.  You may be one person, but you're adding to the stream.  Eventually a stream becomes a river, a river can become a bay, and a bay joins the ocean.

Racism isn't okay and you shouldn't stand for it.  I don't care how common place it might be.  It exists and it shouldn't, we should know better by now.

Blast from the Past Friday

A blast from the past

The Return of Sanity

Right now I'm blogging on the floor in my kitchen.  You're probably wondering why.  Well, my daughter is sleeping where my computer is and I'm a loud typer.  I'd rather not wake her up just yet.
Things are somewhat improving since I started my experiment.  Though I now have other factors working against me now.  I have a Parent/Teacher conference coming up, I've been trying to get Dedrick to be more responsible for his stuff, and suddenly Ella won't sleep unless she's in my arms/bed.  This is on top of all the other things I need to deal with right now.
However, I really enjoy this time to myself.  At least now I get a chance to eat breakfast now.

Wordless Wednedsay - Presents

I would have a picture of Dedrick with his present, but he came home with bad news and I got distracted.

Family issues

When I was a little girl I had a favorite Uncle.  He was the best Uncle anyone could have and the best father from what I could tell.  I still love that Uncle, but he's not the same person he used to be.  The years have changed him and in many ways it has not changed him for the better.

He is more distant.  It's almost impossible to get in touch with him.  As a matter of fact I have no idea how I would contact him if I ever really needed to tell him anything.  This makes me very sad because I remember how he was and I miss the person he was.

I actually saw him today.  I'm grateful because that means he's still working.  He's working on the road I live on.  I thought I saw him last week, but I wasn't fully sure.  I saw him while waiting for my son's bus this morning.  I knew it was him because he had to get out to put a cone by the road.  I knew him by the way he walked and his signature beard.  There is no mistaking him.

However, I couldn't help wondering if he recognized me and especially if he recognized my son.  I waved and he waved back, but it was a small polite wave.  It's been years since I've actually seen him in person.  Though the last news I had heard of him was that he had gotten in a motorcycle accident.  Clearly, he's doing much better now....well, at least physically better.  I just hope that when he gets past the things that are adding drama to his life that he'll feel it's okay to let his family back into his life.  We miss him.

Do you have any relatives that have estranged themselves?  How do you handle it?  Did they eventually come back?

I'm a planner, but I'm at a loss

Right now my obsession is making a list of things I'm going to need for my trip.  I want to be able to get some of these things on clearance if I can.  I want to be able to talk to people to get what I need for free if I can.  I know my aunt would be willing to get toothpaste samples for me from her job.  She's awesome like that.  The less I spend on this trip the better I will feel about it.  The more I can do for less, the more I'll feel that I've done what I can to get my break while sparing my family a lot of expense.

These are the things I would like for my trip.

4 to 5 pairs of jeans. - I haven't bought a pair of jeans for myself in about 2 years.

7 tops (summer stuff) - I have a few tops I can wear just fine, but it's also been a while since I bought a top for myself.

2 new pairs of shoes - I need some nice shoes that are comfy for walking and some shoes I can wear in case we decide to go out.

1 skirt - Something that will go with one of the tops and be dressy, but not so dressy that I would never wear it again.

1 dress - This I prefer to spend the least amount of money on because I almost never wear dresses and almost never have a reason to wear a dress.  I just really want to go to a nice restaurant once while I'm in PA.  You know, one you have to dress up to get into.

Shampoo and conditioner samples - Though I'll probably need a few conditioner samples because I really go through the conditioner.

A very small container of deodorant - I think they limit the size of things you can pack with you.

Honestly, I've not gone anywhere for more than a couple nights for the past 7 years.  I have no idea what I should pack.  This is just the basic idea of what I think I should pack.  I didn't mention underwear because I have underwear that was bought for me recently. ;)  I also have mostly decent socks.  Please help me finish my to get list?  I could really use the help.

Diaper laundry

This is something people write about a lot.  If you do cloth diapers you fully understand how it can easily take over your life if you let it.

I find that I now schedule things around washing diapers or will was my diapers early if I can help it.  Hopefully this won't last much longer for a few reasons.

Here are some helpful hints to consider.

1. Find a routine, keep it simple, and stick to it.

2. Get a schedule that is easy for you.

3. Buy a few more diapers than you really need.  It helps if for any reason you find yourself having to delay your schedule.  This is also a good idea because an illness can dramatically also speed up your need to wash.

4. Hang dry as much as you can.  This is especially true if you have aplex diapers.  It can greatly extend the life of your diapers.

5. Sun them, but don't over sun them.  Don't leave them hanging for hours at a time.  This will cause a shorter life span for your diapers.

Can you think of any hints that have helped you with your routine?

It's not a joke anymore

At what point does a joke stop being a joke?  At what point does it become just being hateful or mean?

I've always tried to approach humor in this way.  A joke isn't something you tell to hurt someone you care about.  You should never use humor to tear someone down in order to make someone else laugh.

I should say now that I could probably use a thicker skin, but I am very curious.  When does a joke stop being a joke?  When does it stop being just fun teasing and turn hurtful?  How is it okay for people to say really mean things and then go, "I was only joking?".  Does that suddenly make what they said less offensive?

I'm probably going to end up on the hypocritical end of this, but it's one of those things I'm trying to work on.  I'm trying to stick to my guns and my morals when it comes to how I treat the people around me.  I'm trying to not just go with this mentality that we need to beat down people that don't meet our "standards" or act the way we think they should.

How about jokes on sensitive issues?  When does it stop being a joke to tell someone to get a job, lose that weight, or any other subject the person you're talking to is already sensitive about?

Okay, now I'm rambling so I'll just end this with my questions?


Where do you draw the line between a joke and outright meanness?  How do you deal with jokes based on race/sex/sexual orientation?  How do you deal with a person that is clearly just being hateful and hiding behind humor in an attempt to mask it?

When a celebrity dies

Yesterday Steve Jobs died.  I am sad.  Actually, I'm very sad.  While, I myself have never actually owned an Apple product, I cannot deny the impact he's had on my life.  He pushed technology and the people that make our products to new heights.  I don't doubt that without him we might not have the Google Phone or other products that were inspired by his products.  The big thing is a lot of us don't remember a world without Steve.  He has always been in our lives on one level or another.

Which, brings me to my point.  When someone like Steve Jobs dies it reminds us of our own mortality.  This person that seemed larger than life can die.  It scares people.  It reminds them that no matter how powerful or how rich they are that eventually they too are going to die.  That's a very scary thought.  The beyond is scary no matter how sure you are of heaven or the lack there of dying is scary.  So, when someone so famous dies it's something that you can't avoid.  It's all over the news.  You can't ignore their death like you could when it involves someone else you don't know.

So, I guess in a way when someone so famous dies we're not just mourning that person.  We're mourning the reminder of our own mortality.  That's pretty much what I'm saying.

Wordless Wednesday - Getting much needed sleep

Sanity and my attempt to restore it

With Greg's schedule and my need for quiet time I am attempting something I would never do if it weren't for the fact I'm so desperate for alone time.

I started setting my alarm clock a half an hour earlier.

I desperately need the quiet time to myself.  It's a little too early to say how well it's working though.  Especially since today it took my alarm 18 minutes to wake me up.  Though the fact my daughter is now crying in her crib is probably a sign that I need to give this more time.  I'm hoping after a few weeks of this that I'll be used to waking up a little earlier.  I'm hoping the effect will be a calmer happier mommy.  My children deserve a calmer happier mommy.

What do you do to maintain your sanity?  Do you stay up a little later some nights?  Do you get up a little extra early in the morning?  Do you have a male to help you?  Is it the ride to work that helps?

Things my daughter taught me.

Before I had Lily I didn't want a girl.  I was afraid if I had a girl that she would be highly girly and I wouldn't know how to relate to her.  I mean after all I was rough and tumble.  Don't you need boys to be rough and tumble with?

My cousin Alesha helped me start to realize that was not the case.


However, it was the birth of my daughter that really cemented the case for me.  She's a well rounded individual without limitations.  She likes things because she likes them.  She doesn't stick to "girl" things or "boy" things.  I feel like I learn more from her than she does from me some days.

Cliche?  Yes.  Does that make it any less true? No.  Here are some things I've learned from having a daughter.

• Having a daughter can be awesome.  Actually having a daughter is awesome.
• You can have just as much fun in a dress as you can in jeans.
• Wanting to play the princess doesn't mean wanting to be rescued.  Sometimes playing the princess just means wearing a dress while you rescue the prince.
• It's okay to want to be pretty and being pretty doesn't make you weak.
• Just because you have a girl doesn't mean you won't end up dodging pee.
• People are going to tell you that you shouldn't let your daughter do a laundry list of things.  Most of those things are kind of dumb if you really think about it.
• Just because you have a daughter doesn't mean you can't wrestle with her.
• Her being a girl doesn't mean she's going to be gentle.  My SO has bruises from the fact Lily plays so rough.

Having a daughter has made me realize more about myself and has helped me come to peace with my own femaleness.  I needed her just as much as she needs me.  I'm just glad I was able to realize that.

25 random facts about me

1. I am an extreme introvert.
2. I like to read really old books.  Some of them are considered children's books.
3. I am a huge geek and prefer tech over diamonds.
4. My favorite color is green.
5. I used to be a cheerleader, but I wasn't one for very long.  I hated it.
6. I've always liked to write.
7. As a teenager I had a teacher make me promise to never stop writing.  This is my attempt to keep that promise.
8. I originally wanted to have at least 4 children.
9. I hate carrying my purse around and wouldn't own one if it weren't for the fact I have to take so much stuff with me when I leave the house now.
10. When it comes down to it my all time favorite actor is Tom Hanks.
11. After I had my son I didn't want any daughters.  After the birth of my first daughter I wanted the rest of my children to be daughters.
12. My goal is to try as many kinds of cloth diapers as I possibly can.
13. I want to tell you how I feel about the diapers I try.
14. I want to start designing and sewing clothing for children.
15. I want to concentrate on girl clothing because some of this stuff is just way too complicated/frilly.
16. My daughter is my inspiration when it comes to my ideas for children's clothing.
17. I am clumsy.
18. I have asthma.
19. I'm absolutely terrified of celebrities.
20. I have more patience for children than I do adults.
21. I love gravy way more than I probably should.
22. I feel the same way about butter.
23. The best way to serve ribs is covered in BBQ sauce.  You might want to look away while I eat.  It's not going to be pretty.
24. I love to cook.
25. I love football.  My favorite team is the Baltimore Ravens.

Wordless Wednesday - Sisterly love

Planning my escape.

I am planning a break.  I'm making time for myself next year and I'm going to make a list of things that need to get done between now and then.  I'm taking a friend up on an offer to stay at her apartment for a week.  I already spoke with Greg about it and he's not only okay with it.  He thinks it's something I need to do for myself.

I'm super excited.  I haven't been away from the children for that long in years...or ever.  I'll be updating my progress toward the goal.  I want to save up at least $800 because I want to have some spending money when I get there.  I hope to be there during restaurant week.  I promise to make updates as much as possible.

When we first started planning this I got so excited that I started shaking.  I've not had a legitimate break in years.  I've spent years being aggravated with Greg because at least 9 days out of the year he gets a break.  He's trying to get deer for us to eat, but he loves to hunt.  Not only that, but I know he spends time talking to his family before he comes home.  Normally by the time he gets home he's so tired from all the walking he's done that all he wants to do is sleep.  Which is probably why some women call themselves Rifle Season Widows.  It's also why during Rifle Season one of the jewelry stores in this area has ads just to guilt men into buying jewelry for their wives to make up for it.

Either way here is the list of things that must be done.

Teach Greg which inserts go in which diaper
Teach Greg diaper washing routine
Help him figure out easy meals for him to cook that week
Possibly freeze some casseroles for him
Get a contact list
Figure out ticket prices
Plan for spending money budget
Put my guilt to bed because I need this
Get Greg a list of emergency contact numbers

I honestly can't think of anything else because I've never gone very far without Greg or the kids.  So, if you can think of anything else I should add to the list please let me know.

Asthma is no fun

I speak from personal experience when I say that asthma is no fun.  It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.  I actually have multiple triggers and that makes it even more annoying.

This is not about me though, it's about my son.  He has asthma and I kind of knew right away that he did because as active as he is if he ran or got really excited he would cough.  He's a very active child and he was not at all lazy growing up.  He would just get winded very easily.  He also catches colds like I did as a child.  They just won't diagnose a child under a certain age with asthma just because he's wheezing.  They'll give you the Albuterol he needs, but they won't call it asthma.

He eventually had an actual asthma attack and I cried.  I felt bad for being right.

As of late he's been having more asthma attacks because one of his major triggers is weather.  He doesn't want to stand out in a state where people try to act tough in the winter.  Dedrick can't be the tough guy or he suffers for it.  The issue is explaining to a 7 year old who just wants to fit in with his friends.  I feel for the kid I really do.  I understand wanting to fit in, but I also don't want him to risk his health trying to do it.  So, we're going to sit down and talk about it.  Hopefully, I can get this through to him.

Do you have any experience with chronic illness?  How do you handle it if your child has it?

Sleep...what's that?

I've been dealing with sleep issues with the youngest.  We only have so many rooms and because of that she's been sharing her room with her older sister.  This causes me to worry about letting her cry even a little.  I worry that she'll wake up Lily.

I need to let her cry sometimes.  She went from a baby that slept through the night to a baby that I can't even put down at night.  She wants to sleep with me and half the time she wants to sleep on me.  I need my sleep back because with three children I can't sleep during the day.

I still feel bad for letting her cry, but she's safe in her crib.  There is nothing in her crib to hurt her.  I will check on her if she were to cry for too long.  I need to get her back to sleeping longer.  I can't keep waking up every two hours like this.  It's driving me crazy.

The amazing part to all of this is honestly Lily can sleep through most things.  It takes a lot to wake her up.  I can let Ella cry and Lily will be fine.

What issues do you have with your sleeping children?  How do you deal with them?

Wordless Wednesday with an old picture

Looking for the silver lining

Today was a long day.  Today there were fights and naps didn't get taken when they should have.

However, today we also had moments where my girls got along just like this.  It was definitely one of those, "You have to take the good with the bad." kind of days.

I know there will be more, but I hope 10 years from now I'll remember the good in the bad day rather than just the bad.

Only child kind time

Today was Ella's day to be an only child.  I try to have days where each of my children can pretend they're an only child.  The only child that gets my attention.  The one that decides what we eat, where we go, and what we do when we get there.  I have three children and two hands.  I don't always have enough time in the day to give them individual love and attention like I would like to.

So, today was Ella's day.  Greg took the older two out to a corn maze and a hay ride while Ella stayed home with me.  We played on the floor, I sang to her, and we cuddled as long as she wanted to.

I started doing this after I had my first daughter.  Dedrick had a very hard time making the transition from being an only child to being a big brother.  Our special days made the transition a little easier for him.  Even Greg has gotten into the act and will take time to do special trips for just one child.  He took Dedrick on a just him and Grandpa fishing trip recently.  They had a lot of fun and it was really needed because Greg has been working a lot of hours lately.

When Ella gets older I'll be able to do this more often, but until then I'll do what I can.  I just think it's important for me to spend one on one time with my children as often as I can.

Do you make time for special one on one days for your children?

On the floor, in the trash

One of Greg's biggest pet peeves is one of my habit.  If my food lands on the floor or the ground it goes in the trash.  I do not believe in the 5 second rule.  I don't care how clean your floor looks.  If my food lands on your floor I'm going to throw it away.

I gag a little on the inside when I see people eat food off the floor.  I do it even more if that person has a pet.  I have pets and know exactly how dirty their cute little paws are.  My cat has a litter box and the dog will walk through shit.  Your floor is dirty and disgusting the instant they touch it.

I honestly don't plan to change.  I just try to be sneaky about it now.  Since he has such an issue with me throwing away food I drop sometimes food I drop gets transferred from my plate to his.  I'll probably get flack for it, but I wouldn't do it if he didn't make such a big deal about it every time I do it.

Either way.  What's your stance on the 5 second rule?  Do you follow it or is it an on the floor, in the trash policy for you as well?

Oh and because I love Mythbusters.  Have fun watching this little educational video.

I can't seem to upload this because it's not on youtube, but it'd definitely worth watching.

BumGenius - Aplix vs Snaps

I meant to do this yesterday, but I'm sure you'll forgive me.  I'm trying to get back into the swing of things where I actually update this thing on a daily basis.

I love my BumGenius diapers.  I really do.  I love the ease, the colors, and the fact they are so easy to get.  Just about every seller I know carries them.  They're not hard to find and very often they're on sale.  Who can beat a combination like that.

I love their snaps.  Their snap diapers are awesome.  I love the double rows of snaps because my daughter has chunky thighs and a skinnier belly.  It requires a custom fit.  So, very often I use up my Snap BGs before my Aplix BGs.  I'll tell you why.

I hate the aplix BG uses.  I hate it with a burning passion.  It is the worst crap I've ever encountered.  The tabs are small and and they wear out fairly quickly.  I'm very not happy about that part.  I don't like how the aplix is a separate part of the diaper.  I much prefer my Happy Heinys for Aplix because it's part of the tab.  The Aplix is not exposed at all and the tabs are much larger. 

So, BumGenius is an awesome brand.  It's a great brand for if you're just starting out, but please save yourself some annoyance and skip the Aplix.  The snaps are so much nicer.

Do you have BGs in your stash?  Have you run across the same problem I have?

I don't like snaps at 1 AM

I love my snap diapers.  I love washing my snap diapers.  I have a love/hate relationship with my hook and loop diapers.  They're easy for my midgets to take off by themselves and they're a pain in the ass to wash.

However at 1 AM I am all about the hook & loop.  Actually I save them in case I have to do a late night changing.

Snaps are great and snaps are more durable.  However, trying to snap a diaper on a wiggly, crying child at 1 AM while half asleep is not my idea of a good time.  I want to slap on a diaper and be back to soothing this child to sleep.

So, while part of me would like to 100% convert to snaps.  For the sake of my SO and for the sake of my sanity, I'm always going to have at least a few hook and look diapers.  1 AM changes happen and I'd like to be prepared for them.

Do you prefer snaps, do you prefer Hook and Look diapers, or do you keep a blend of the two?

Enough is enough

After an incident at a family birthday party I'm saying enough is enough.  I'm sick of moms trying to make other moms feel guilty about their choices.  I already feel enough guilt on my own, thank you.  Why is it instead of being supportive we feel the need to belittle each other because of our choices?

I can't judge you for your choices because I don't live your life.  It's not my place to make you parent the way I do.  It's not my place to tell you whether you should go to work, stay home with your children, homeschool, or send your kids off to school.  These are all personal choices.  I can't tell you whether to vaccinate, what foods you should feed your children, or what foods you should avoid.  Every life situation is different and I try not to judge.  I try to mind my own business because honestly you never know.

I circumcised my son.  Yes, I did it willingly even.  Did I regret the choice later?  Somewhat.  Did I make that choice without having thought about it first?  No.  I thought about it a lot.  Out of the three relatives that I know of that didn't get circumcised as an infant, all three had to be circumcised later in life.  All of them were closely related to me even.  I didn't want this to be something Dedrick would have to go through later on in life.  I'm also glad that my last two children were girls because it's something I would never want to have to decide ever again.  It's a hard decision and I still feel guilty about it sometimes.  I don't need someone else telling me that I should feel bad about it.  I'm plenty good at doing that for myself.

I wish I could afford Daycare because I think my children could use the social interaction.  I live in a rather rural area and getting to play dates is not easy.  I wish I could live closer to town sometimes, but at the same time I like that I have plenty of land for them to play on.

All I'm saying is being a mother comes with enough guilt as it is.  We don't need to compound that situation by criticizing each other just because the other mom isn't doing what you think is right for your children.

Ella Rose

I've been putting off my post about Ella.  She's very young and how I felt about her was complicated.  I resented her for a bit.  I resented the fact she made my plans more complicated.  I resented the fact she caused us to need a bigger vehicle.

She's here now though and these things aren't her fault.  I find the more time I spend with her the more I appreciate her uniqueness.  The more I realize she completes our family.  She's a bundle of energy and giggles.  I love how observant she is.  She loves to try and attack my keyboard/cellphone/whatever electronic is within her reach.  She especially loves my cellphone because it's a touch screen phone.  She's realized that if she touches the screen that it does stuff.

Watching her learn and grow has become the upturn to my day.  I regretted Ella, but I'm accepting of her now.  Being a parent isn't easy.  Being a mother isn't easy and as much as people don't want to admit it sometimes you don't love your children right away.  Sometimes it takes time to love them.  You're only human and this is okay.

Don't tell her that...

It seems the older my son gets the more he feels the need to pigeon hole Lily.  He tells her not to "talk like a man" or tries to tell her what she should like.  I don't know where he gets this.  I know it isn't from me and I know it isn't from Greg.  Greg lets Lily wear and do what she wants within reason.  She goes fishing, helps him when he's fixing things, and likes to sing.  She is her own child and he treats her like that.

Lily of course doesn't stand for it.  She is not going to let her brother try and dictate how she should behave and she lets him know that.

The question is how do I confront Dedrick about this?  At one point he asked me why I don't work.  He's also commented on whether I'm going to learn how to cook because I'm "just a mom".  I know he's not being sexist on purpose, but I'd really like to nip this in the bud.  I just don't know how to.

My new hobby

I have gotten to the point with Cloth diapering that it's almost a hobby for me.  I'm constantly on the look out for a diaper that the girls might like more.  I love looking at patterns.  I even like washing them.  Which is funny because I hate doing laundry.

As a matter of fact I will talk about it with people who CD and I talk about it with people who don't.  I get excited about Fluff coming in the mail.  I don't care what you use for diapers.  I want to talk about it.  I want to talk about the different styles.  I want to talk about my plans for Ella next summer so she doesn't get a heat rash again.  It's definitely become my new hobby.

I get excited just thinking about cloth diapers.  I really do.  I'm thinking of switching to mama cloth just so I can continue to be excited about that after Ella is finally potty trained.  Either way.  Do you CD?  Is it your new hobby?  Have I lost my mind?

Conceptions and misconception of an over sexualized generation

I had an epiphany today.  Lily and I took a shower today.  While waiting for me to finish drying off so I could dry her off she started dancing.  She wiggled and wiggled her butt in a way that if she were an adult would be sexual.  Only she is not an adult and it wasn't.  She was a 3 year old that was dancing.  There was nothing more to it than that.  It hit me that I've been very stupid and that my daughter just taught me something on accident.

A naked 3 year old is a natural phase and to be expected to some degree.  You add clothes to that child and suddenly it's wrong and sexual.  They're just clothes until we add meaning to them.  The problem with children's clothes these days isn't just the clothes.  It's our preconceived notion of what these clothes mean.  We put a meaning to them and shove them down our child's throat.

Lily's generation and the generation before hers is not over sexualized because of what they wear.  It's over sexualized because of the attitude we have about what they wear.  It's time we realize that clothes are just that...clothes.

Lily Anna

Before my daughter I didn't realize how awesome being the mother of a girl could be.  Not just because she's a girl.  I had let myself be limited by preconceptions people gave me about having a girl.  Lily is an interesting combination of Greg and I.

She is my animal lover.  Lily loves all animals and thinks you should love them as well.  She also loves tractors and farms.  She's also her father's shadow and wants to be where he is no matter what.  They go fishing together and have gone "hunting" in the yard.  It's absolutely adorable.

She has a love/hate relationship with her little sister right now.  Her brother is her partner or crime most of the time.  Of course as true siblings they don't get along all the time, but she's quick to forgive him when he pisses her off.

She loves to help people clean or plant.  She's my girl girl boy.  She's like me when I was younger, but less inhibited.  Which is awesome.

Dedrick Paul

I was going to write the 10 truths to motherhood, but I can't.  Motherhood is something that is an individual experience and my truths might not be your truths.  Besides some of mine are private and I don't care to share them.  I will however write a blog entry about each of my children.  One entry per child starting with the oldest.

Dedrick was my ultimate oops child.  I found out I was pregnant after getting out of an abusive relationship.  Pregnancy with him was hell.  I'm sure if he hadn't been my first he would have been my last.  It didn't seem to matter what I ate it came back up.  I went through 6 months of this.  I ate a lot of peanut and jelly sandwiches because it was one of the few things I could really keep down.  Honestly, I had originally been hoping for a girl, but in the end I just wanted him to be healthy.

He is so smart.  He's so smart that he's almost too smart for his own good.  He's clever, thoughtful, emotional, and loving.  He dotes on his sisters and even though he's awful for chores he tends to think of other people first.  He's also stubborn and willful.  He's a perfectionist and if he messes up he tends to give up.  It's something we're working on.

He loves outdoor science.  He loves learning about animals and their habitats.  He asks a million and a half questions.  He can come up with some crazy questions.  He knows so much about dinosaurs that half the time I just kind of nod and smile.  I don't know what dinosaur he's talking about, but he's really excited about it.  He will tell anyone that is willing to listen to him random facts about animals that he's learned about.  He told his cousin about fireflies because they were catching them on the 4th of July.

He can drive me up a wall with his unwillingness to clean sometimes or his hatred of vegetables.  His enthusiasm for cooking makes up for that though.  He wants to help, he wants to be involved, and he's going to ask you a dozen questions.  He's definitely his own person and he tends to do his own thing.  I hope he stays that way.

Cloth bra pads...the review

I got a free sample of cloth bra pads.  Honestly I cannot remember the brand name, but they're white...and awesome.  I am now washing them and had to switch to disposables temporarily because I ran out.  The cloth are so much better.  They're more comfortable, they do a better job of absorbing the milk, and they're reusable.  I was half afraid when I first looked at them because I was afraid I'd get milk on my bra.  There is no plastic between the cloth and the bra.  However as long as I'm on top of things and change them as soon as I need to I'm okay.  I can even wear them over night without fear of leaking onto my shirt.  I could just use more than 4 pairs of the darn things.

If you get a chance to buy cloth bra pads do it.  They'll save you money and they're better at keeping the moisture away.  Keeping the moisture away leads to happier nipples and happier nipples lead to a happier you.  Though I'd be even happier if they were pretty, but I'm a girl like that.

Here are some places you can get them.

The Green Baby Store
Kelly's Closet
Jillian's Drawers

If you know of any other sources feel free to leave a link in the comments.

Making a change

As some of you may know I plan to go cloth with my children.  For those of you not in the know of what that means it means I'm ditching my disposable diapers for cloth diapers.  It's cheaper in the long run, it's better for the environment, and they're cute as all hell.

I spent years considering this.  I spent years talking to everyone I know about what I'm getting myself into.  I hate using disposable diapers.  It gives my children rashes and it's horrible for the environment.  I like the planet I live on and would like to do right by it.

However I'm completely afraid I'm going to screw this up.  Standing on the outside looking in it seems complicated and confusing.  There are rules about how you're supposed to wash them.  I'm sure some of this is fanatics making it seem more than it is, but to us on the outside it's overwhelming.  I want to do this, but it's like thinking you have to jump in ice water.  You stand there as long as you possibly can because it's going to be a shock and you know you're going to be overwhelmed.  I'm sure at first I'm going to screw up at least a little...I think.  Either that or it will come naturally to me.  I don't know.  I just needed a push.  I'm sure I'll thank the people who pushed me for it later.  Even the jack asses that got the economy to the point where the reason I'm finally really doing this is so I can stop buying disposables and start using that money toward things like food and clothing.

I just had to write this out because I feel like I'm going crazy.  I feel like I'm going to disappoint myself and I feel very anxious about the whole situation.  I feel like any time I ask questions I'm being stupid.  I know I'm being hard on myself, but you can't help how you feel.  As soon as I get my stash I'll start posting about the different diapers I got and how things are going with them.  I'm going to start with Lily because she needs less diapers than Ella does.  Soooo, wish me luck?

Losing loved ones

This was my Grandma Pigg.  She has been dead for 11 years now.  I miss her like she died yesterday.

I had never really lost anyone until my Grandma died and no death since has hurt me as deeply.  She was the kind of person you wanted to be related to.  She didn't let you feel like a stranger.  She loved everyone and gave hugs instead of handshakes.  She cooked from scratch and kept a garden until she was too sick to do that.  Yes, everything she made was better.  She spoiled me without actually spoiling me because she didn't want me to be a brat.  She loved me for who I was and not for what she thought she could get out of me or what she thought I might become.  She would tease me about not having a boyfriend because a beautiful girl like me should have a boyfriend.  When I lost her I lost the biggest positive influence in my life and every day she's gone is painful.  It doesn't hurt as much, but it still hurts a lot.  I sometimes wonder if it will ever stop hurting.  I can still cry when I think about her because I wish my children could have known her.  I cry because the longer she's gone the harder it is to remember her.  She was the best person I ever knew.  I wish you could have met her, you would have liked her.

The decision to stop having children...

Deciding to stop having children is as complicated and difficult a decision as having children in the first place.  As much as I'm sure I no longer want children part of me is mourning the loss of my ability to have children.  Even though I know for the sanity of myself and my children that I really shouldn't have more children I'm sad that I'll never hold another baby that came from me.  As much as I hate being pregnant there is something magical about babies.  They're little possibilities and I love watching them learn things.

Either way as of tomorrow Ella will be the last baby I ever have.  No, I don't plan to adopt.  Not that I have anything against adopting.  I'm just done.  I'm done with babies and I have the amount of children I want.  Adopted children should go to people that really do want more children.

Right now I almost want to back out, but I know that this is the right decision for me.  Just like I knew that staying pregnant was the right decision for me.  I have to say that in a way I'm glad I backed out the first time.  I couldn't imagine my life without Ella, but I really can't afford more children.  So, I don't know what else to say about this other than I know I'll cry, but I also know I'm doing this for all the right reasons.

Things my parents said...and some they shouldn't have

I find the longer I parent the more I say certain things my parents used to tell me as a child.  They drove me up the wall, but I swear it just comes out.  Apparently I was listening.

"Look with your eyes, not with your hands."
"I'm not telling you this to hear myself talk"
"I'm running away and I'm changing my name"
"Prior planning prevents piss poor performance"

I'm sure there are more things.  There are also things I refuse to say to my children that my parents said to me because it's just not something you say to a child.

"You're so dumb when god was handing out brains you thought he said trains and told him you didn't want any"
"You must secretly dye your hair brown over night."
"Don't make me give you a reason to cry."

Awesome.

I just hope I stick to the list above and never dwell to the list of soul crushing comments below.  Parenting is about learning from our parent's mistakes right?

Day 11 - turning point in your life

The turning point in my life was becoming a mother.  I have become a calmer person since having my children.  Which is saying a lot because I was even more of a fly off the handle kind of person when I was younger.  Now I'm only really impatient when it's that time of the month or I'm pregnant.

Day 10 - favorite candy

I love mint.  I love mint flavored candies.  I love almost all mint flavored candies.  Pair it with dark chocolate and it's even better, but honestly the part I love the most is the mint.

Day 9 - favorite tv show

My favorite show is Psych.  I love the weird 80's references and the corny jokes.  I love that for the most part it's light hearted.  Life is depressing enough as it is.  I don't want depressing when I'm looking to relax.

Day 8 - favorite animated character

I have to say I've always been a fan of the classics.  I will always love Snoopy because he was just too cool.

Day 7 - favorite movie

My favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption.  Kind of hard to draw when you suck at art.  So, I tried to go for symbols from the movie.

Day 6 - favorite book

For those of you who know me this should have been an easy guess.  It also happened to be my favorite book that was the easiest to draw.

Day 5 - best friend

This is supposed to be Greg.  He's my best friend.  He even helps me garden.

I decided to post a picture instead.

Day 4 - Favorite place

Right now my favorite place is my bed because I don't get a lot of sleep.  Sleep be are my friend.

Day 3 - Favorite food

Day 2 - A favorite animal

Day 1 - Myself

30 day art challenge

I'm doing the crazy and adding one more thing to my day.

Though this is a good thing.  I'm going to take some time for myself doing something creative.  I'm taking a 30 day art challenge.  I'm doing this with some friends in hopes that it will help me stick to it.

These friends are also participating, Amanda and Katie.

You're doing it wrong...

I love my SO.  I love that he's a great father to our children.  I love that he's started cooking meals when I'm way too busy to do so.  I also love that he tries to help with the chores.

I just wish that when he did them I wouldn't have to redo them behind him most of the time.  Like the dishes.  I just need a constructive way to tell him that he's doing it wrong without coming across as nagging.  It's frustrating to walk up to the dishwasher not only are all the setting wrong, but he's using cold water.  When you turn on the cold water you're washing the dishes with COLD water.  You have to turn the hot water on.  Since we live in an older home I don't have a handy built in dishwasher.  I have one of those roll away ones.  Awesome.

Then there's the whole I put everything in the fridge even though some produce shouldn't go in the fridge.  Putting it in the fridge causes it to lose it's flavor...like tomatoes.  This is one of those things we argue about.  We argue about stupid things.  Though honestly with the whole one income thing it could be a lot worse and there's the fact we never do it in front of the children.  That's a plus right?

Either way...tips on telling him that he's doing it wrong without it coming across as nagging please.  I am really starting to lose my mind over this.

I don't need diamonds

Greg and I are engaged.  Well, anyone would know that if they spent some time listening to me talk about him.

I don't have an engagement ring.  Why?  I don't need diamonds.  I don't need a ring to tell me how much Greg loves me.  I know he loves me when he helps me with the chores.  When he takes the children out of the house because he knows it's important for me to have quiet time to myself.  It's in everything he does for our children and how he puts us first as often as he can.  Diamonds are just material goods that look pretty.  I think what I have is much better than any piece of jewelry can do for me.

We'll get married...eventually, but that's another story altogether.  Yes, even married I'll still continue to not need a diamond, but that's just how I am.  Weird.

Easter is coming

How do you feel about the Easter bunny?  How do you handle the "candy situation"?  Does your family give your children too much candy for the holiday?  How do you handle it?

I am not a huge fan of Easter.  For me it's a wasted holiday.  That might be because I'm Agnostic, but I don't like it.  Actually I don't like most holidays.  I celebrate them because I have children who love holidays.  Not to say I don't like to celebrate things.  I just don't like to be compelled to do so.  I also don't appreciate it when my inlaws treat me like I'm an idiot because I don't know when Good Friday is.  I don't care about Good Friday.  Good Friday can kiss my ass.

For me I'd dislike the day if I didn't suddenly have much more candy than I would ever need in my house.  My strategy?  I throw out a piece of candy every day.  Yes, I throw away candy.  Two gallon sized containors of candy is way too much candy for two children.  Add to that anything my MIL decides to give them as well.  I like the egg hunting.  It's cute.  I can understand the want to use plastic eggs.  What I don't understand is why they need so much candy?

How much candy do you give?  How into Easter are you?  Do you have any special Easter traditions?

We don't give candy for Easter.  We give out a small toy or in the case of one year I got Dedrick a Packers Jersey that I found on clearance.  We stopped giving candy after my first year in the family because it was just way too much.  I want to trade some of the candy for the toy I give, but Greg says no because we hardly have candy in the house to begin with.  Whatever....I guess I'm just a health nut....or a sensible mother.  You decide...I'll still throw away candy even if you think I'm a health nut.  I'm just stubborn that way.

Your sanity...you need it

Dear mothers,
It's okay to take a break from your children.  It's okay to want to be away from your children.  Don't let people make you feel guilty because sometimes you wish they would go away.  If they spent all of their time around someone all the time they'd want that person to go away as well.

I periodically send Greg on "urgent" errands with the children just to get them out of the house.  Do I feel bad about it?  I used to and then I got over it.  I realized I'm a better parent when I get time to myself.  I need time where it's quiet to get my thoughts together.  Time where I'm not running around trying to do 3 things at the same time.  Actually everyone needs time like that.

So, tell the people who try to tell you that you should want to spend every waking moment tending to your child to get a life!  Eventually they're going to grow up and if you spent all your time being a mother you'd have nothing left when they move on with their lives.  That's a situation I don't want to end up in.
                                                                      Much love,
                                                                      A mostly sane mother

Hair stereotypes and the fall out they cause

The dumbest thing Greg and I argue about is hair.  Did you know that hair can cause arguments that makes you want to throw things at a wall because it's just that ridiculous?  The lack of evidence and assumptions are enough to make you want to pull YOUR hair out.

As some of you may have heard/noticed/whatever it appears that my youngest daughter will have some shade of red hair.  I wanted a red haired child because it's something different.  Most of the people in my family have brown hair.  Apparently my inlaws think I'm crazy because red heads are difficult, red heads don't listen, red heads are extremes, and I'll get all my grey hairs from this small child.  Greg tells me he should know because both of his sisters have red hair.

Your family is the worst example to go by.  I've met them.  I know other red heads.  It's a STEREOTYPE.  Stereotypes are assumptions people make about another group.  I also know that if you treat someone like you expect a certain behavior from them they won't fail to produce.  It's basic Psychology 101.  Even the basest of people realize that.  Just like I was told I would regret wanting a daughter.  Do I regret it?  No.  As a matter of fact right now Lily is the easiest of my children to deal with.

Assumptions, stereotypes, and the like just annoy me to no end.  This is a point of contention for us.  I just don't know how to convince him how stupid it is.  Then again him being as stubborn as he is he just brushes it off.

I'm not crazy.  I refuse to believe that me thinking red heads could possibly be something other than bitchy is crazy.  His sisters are bitchy because his mother is bitchy.  She has never been a red head.  Case closed.

Breastfeeding, Parenting gone lazy

I breastfeed my daughter.  I know all the rhetoric about how it's healthier and it's supposed to be better for them in the long run.  However in the right now it's because I'm LAZY.

Yes, I just said it's because I'm lazy.  I hate sanitizing bottles, mixing formula, and getting bottles ready in the middle of the night.  I breastfeed because washing the bottles means taking a shower and I don't have to make sure I pack enough formula when I go places.  Nor do I have to worry about whether the place I'm going is going to have a place for me to warm up the bottle.  I am a portable food source.  As long as I eat and stay hydrated I ALWAYS have enough food.

So, yes let parents tell you they breastfeed because it's better for their children.  I'm pretty sure part of the reason is actually because they're lazy too.

Wedding stuff

Periodically I work on planning wedding stuff.

Why you may ask?  Aren't you not getting married for at least another 2 years?  Starting to plan a wedding now seems crazy and Bridezilla-ish.

It might seem crazy, but I want to make sure I know what I'm getting into.  I don't want to be overwhelmed with details and trying to decide what I want.  I want to know what I want and to have a back up plan just in case things don't work out with my first choice.

Since I want an outdoor wedding so much I'm starting to thing a late summer wedding might be better than a fall wedding.  I just know that I don't want a church wedding.  The church has NOTHING to do with our relationship.

We both love the outdoors.  I have to admit that part of the reasoning is because I'm cheap.  I figure if we have an outdoor wedding that I might be able to get away with a more minimalistic decor.  My Aunt was going to take me to Eau Claire Dells this summer.  I saw an outdoor wedding there and it was beautiful.

I'm thinking purple, green, and silver for wedding colors.  I told my maid of honor...yes, I have already picked one because she's hardcore awesome.  Either way I told her that I want the bridesmaid dresses to be dresses they could easily wear for other events.  Shoot, I'm considering going for a colored dress for the same reason.  I hate the idea of investing money into something that I'd only wear once.  Also I don't care what color dresses my bridesmaids go with as long as it's one of the wedding colors.  I know I'm awful.

I just like going over these details.  Though I honestly can't seem to decide if I want wedding pie or wedding cheesecake because both are very appealing.  I just know I don't really want a wedding cake.  I'm not a huge fan of cake honestly.  I am more of a pie kind of person.  The summer is a good time for pie after all.

Dedrick issues

Lately we've had issues with Dedrick when it comes to contributing to the family.  He doesn't feel that it's fair for him to do chores on the weekend or fair for him to do chores when his sister doesn't have to.  Though we plan to start introducing Lily to her own responsibility since she's three now.  I just haven't decided what it's going to be.

He will drag his feet and take as much time as he possibly can.  Having him clean for just 5 minutes a day caused him to go even slower in hopes that he won't actually get anything done and I'd let him go at he picked up a piece of trash.  Not the case.  So, he's been promised an allowance and a chance to save up for a new fishing pole if he does the chores he's been given and actually makes a real effort when he does them.

Though we've run across a new issue.  Well, not so much new, but an issue that's become worse.  Lying and obvious lying at that.  He's a terrible liar.  He tells you that things that could not have possibly happened happen or that he's done things that he couldn't have possibly done.  No, Dedrick, we know you didn't put the wipes in the truck because you never left the house when you were cleaning the living room.  No, Dedrick, we know you didn't put the wipes in the backpack because it was in the truck.  Dedrick, we know you were eating off of your sister's plate because we saw you doing it.  Not to mention the fact you threw a piece of bread that was hers back at her plate in an attempt to get rid of the evidence.

He's a cute kid and when he's good he's really good.  I know he can be good.  He is so well behaved in school.  He's constantly bringing home those good behavior tickets and stopped getting bad behavior punches in school.  Shoot I know he can behave for my inlaws and my parents.  He's the perfect child at their house.  Yet, he can't behave at home.  Though...based on behavior of some children I know that can't even behave when other people are watching them I should at least be glad that he behaves when he's with someone different right?